ISO "Dear Straight People"

 

Dear Broken Role Models

I loved you. 

I wanted to be just like you

News came out that you were racist. Or a pedophile. Or just a terrible person.

I used to seek comfort in your words even though they were through a screen.

I looked forward to watching you after a hard day.

I looked up to you.

Without you, I feel empty without your kind words and happy energy.

Then I learned it was all just an act. 

A ploy to make you look like a good person when you’re not. 

When it all came out, I didn’t want to believe it.

I was in denial and avoided thinking about it.

I wanted to defend you and say you had your reasons or that people are exaggerating.

But it's true. Deep down I know it’s true.

I wish it wasn’t.

I wish you were still the kind creator who brightens everyone’s day with such little effort.

I wish this all didn’t happen.

I still find myself wanting to watch your videos knowing that it’s so wrong of me to do so.

Why did you do it? 

Surely you knew it was bad.

Surely you knew how many hearts you would break if everyone found out.

You don’t even know me.

I’m just another number. Another dollar.

Yet I placed so much trust into you.

I now don’t have trust for any other.

If I find comfort in another, there will always be that worry in the back of my mind.

That they’re just like you.